My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
