a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
