If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
