Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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