You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
