Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
