I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
