dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
