saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
