I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
