I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
