Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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