a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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