nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
