i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
