i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
