I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
