grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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