I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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