I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
