I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
