I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
