Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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