i think i have two assholes
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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