**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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