Kareoke will never be a sober sport
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
organizing the empties. That sober.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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