how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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