Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
