if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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