Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
