my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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