you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize