somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize