I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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