she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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