I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
