So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
