Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
