you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize