I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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