the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
