I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
