What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just cut my nipple shaving
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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