I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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