he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
