After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
