My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
