I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I could fuck to npr.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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