Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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