Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
