Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
