I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize