Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
