those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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