I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
