@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
