i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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