Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
