You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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