I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
