I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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