i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
