my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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