i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
