It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
