I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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