I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
