I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
