life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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