She is in my trunk
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize