Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dignity is for republicans.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
