They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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