so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
