so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
