Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize