When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
