you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
