sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
