It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
