bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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