We won't sleep together?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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