you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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