I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
