i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
They have beer where we have blood.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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