the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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