she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
