You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
