can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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