WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
if only i could text you this smell
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
