Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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