My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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