he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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