as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
