I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
