i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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