hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
