At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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