Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize