i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
