I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
