I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
