Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize