so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
