So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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