I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She bit a glass in half.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
