Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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