Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
