ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
