it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
