Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize