just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
