Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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